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April 2006
The Book is always better than the movie
I was emailing my literary leader friend, Kacey Kowers, who has an online website where he interviews authors, about how as readers we could write a book on the incredible things that people say who want to believe they are readers but don’t want to read. I told him some of my favorite stories of people who obviously had just seen the movie and not read the book. I thought I would in turn share some of them with you.
“I just finished Scarlett (the sequel to Gone with the Wind) and I just would like to know who that author thinks she is. All those kids and married how many times? Well, they just ruined what Scarlett had with Rhett in my opinion. Everybody knows that Scarlett only married Rhett Butler.”
Or after seeing a local production of the musical “The Wizard of Oz,” a woman next to me remarked,
“Well, that was quite an avant-garde production. I mean dancing skeletons, there were never any dancing skeletons. I find that a travesty.”
Or in asking a clerk at a major chain bookstore where “Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil” was to be found. Now it was I believe it was at that time #1 on the New York Time’s Bestseller list and I had already perused the NYT’s shelves.
“What’s the author’s name?” without looking up from the counter.
“John Berendt”
“Can you spell the last name for me?”
“B e r e n d t”
“Is the book fiction or non-fiction?”
“The book is non-fiction and just happens to be on the New York Time’s Bestseller list.”
“Well, we don’t seem to have any copies in stock, would you like to special order a copy?”
“Do you know of the book, it is No. 1 on the New York Times list.”
“Ma’am, we get a lot of books that are New York Times and if we had to memorize them all, that would take away from out work. Hey, wait isn’t that a movie?”
Now here are three of my best stories as a bookseller.
A young woman came to the customer service counter to inquire on me helping her acquire some books. Her boys had outgrown their picture Bibles and she wanted to get them the HIV version now that they were older.
“HIV?” I inquired. “I did not know they made a Bible for those with AIDS, are you sure that is what you are wanting your boys?”
“No, I want the HIV bible, you know the New International Version.”
You can’t imagine how hard it was not to crack up when I told her,
“You mean the NIV version which would be the acronym for New International Version?”
“Yes, yes, that’s it. Well, you know what I mean.”
Or the time a woman came to the service counter obviously very distraught,
“Please, can you help me order a book?”
“Yes, what would you like to order?”
“The book that I loaned to my best friend who stole it from me and won’t give it back.”
“The title please?”
“How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
Or last, and this is the clincher, a woman called wanting to order a video of the real footage from the Civil War. Ken Burns had just had his PBS Civil War documentary airing and I inquired if that was what she meant.
“No, no, no, I want the actual filming of the Civil War, not the documentary. I want the real tapes, the real footage of the war on film.”
No amount of convincing would help her in believing that movie cameras or video film camcorders had not been invented at the time of the real Civil War. I would not deter her on her quest.
“I’ll just call a Hastings and see if they have it.”
And now a story on me where obviously I had not read THE BOOK. I was sitting in the family room of my school mates planning our 10th class reuninion. Suddenly my good friend Heidi read out of our Class of 1974 annual,
“For every thing there is a season, A time to be born, A time to die,”
I interrupted blurting out, “Who wrote that jibberish, oh my gosh, what a hoot.”
Heidi looked at me and stated, “Kathy, that is from the Bible.”
I assure you that since then I have read the Bible and will continue to do so. I also will tell you, save yourself the embarrassment, it pays to read the book. Even though I love to watch The Ten Commandments, Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, there is nothing like reading the authors’ words from the page. Besides, educating yourself can save you future embarrassments.
Case closed, these are all true stories. Maybe you all would like to send me your funniest book stories, I would love to hear them.
Tiara wearing and Book sharing, Kathy L. Patrick Founder of the International Book Club, The Pulpwood Queens Beauty and the Book 210 West Austin Jefferson, Texas 75657 www.beautyandthebook.com www.pulpwoodqueens@yahoogroups.com
P.S. for more on The Kacey Kowers Show, go to www.kaceykowers.com
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Keep Jefferson Weird
This week I was wondering if it was a full moon. Strange things were happening. First, 44 Blue Productions had just called me telling me that they were doing a new show for the STYLE cable network called "Beauty Shop Swap." They had heard about me and thought I might be perfect for the show.
Screech, whoa Nelly, didn't we just have the Fine Living Cable Network here last week doing a television show feature on me and my Pulpwood Queens. This new show will air in January called "Windshield America" and will feature ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Was there some kind of billboard on Hollywood and Vine that said, "Do a show on the Pulpwood Queens! Do a show on the Pulpwood Queens!" I found it excrutiatingly coincidental that two cable television shows in two weeks.
The VP with 44 Blue on the phone continued,
"This television show will feature a small town Texas hairdresser trading places with a Los Angeles "celebrity" hair stylist. Do you think this is something you would be perfect for?"
Hmmm, posh L.A. hair salon with all the accroutements versus, old historic home that houses my Beauty and the Book with all it’s historic idiocyncrosies. Rodeo Drive versus "Mayberry on the Bayou." Move over Beverly Hillbillies, here I come. I say,
"Where’s the cement pond and a place to set down all my young’uns and critters?"
But the catch, I and my co-worker have to be interviewed and fill out a seventeen page questionnaire. I was up to the task because even though I am in small town Texas, I can talk intelligently and read and write.
If that wasn’t weird enough, people start telling me that I was in the Longview News Journal today. Something about quirky?
Something about quirky, me, what gives. As I headed home from church on our Wednesday Family Night, I stopped to pick up the daily edition. I found the feature and read as follows:
“NEWS
QUIRKY JEFFERSON: Jefferson has become a haven for the quirky, with events such as this weekend’s Metroplex Paranormal Investigations Conference, the annual Bigfoot Conference, The Pulpwood Queens of East Texas and Mardi Gras Upriver. Why and, more importantly, how does this East Texas town of just more than 2,000 attract these events?”
Now we are thrown in with Bigfoot and ghosts. Now wait just a minute, I can't even believe they didn't even mention the mysterious lawn gnomes that have suddenly appeared coming out from under my Beauty and the Book! Quirky, my foot! Oh wait, make that my Bigfoot!
So you tell me are we quirky or is it just another full moon?
Fact: Kathy L. Patrick and the Pulpwood Queens will be featured in an up-an-coming documentary of the author, Andy Behrman of his book “Electroboy.” The film is entitled “In His Own Mind” and features Andy Behrman’s book tour. Included will be his stop visiting the Pulpwood Queens and joining them in a “Queen for a Day” event featuring Richard Simmons. Andy Behrman and Kathy L. Patrick sweat to the oldies with Richard on stage in front of 600 women in attendance and working out!
Fact: Kathy L. Patrick and her Beauty and the Book will be featured in another up-and-coming documentary entitled “City of Spirits: The Hauntings of Jefferson, Texas.” Kathy talks about the ghostly happenings at Beauty and the Book and she has a real photo of her ghost to prove it!
Fact: Kathy L. Patrick and Dallas Photographer, Patricia Richards will be encoring their literary book tour to Rome. The trip called “THE PULPWOOD QUEENS DO EUROPE II” will feature a Illuminati Tour, a visit Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s gravesite, and other literary ventures. Their tiaras will be worn on top of their hot pink cowboy hats as they promote literacy across Italy.
I have always said that, "the Pulpwood Queens will do JUST about anything to promote literacy." Quirky, whatever, we are on a mission to promote literacy and if a sighting of Bigfoot in the piney woods helps, or throwing Hot Pink Mardi Gras beads, or giving the kiddos ghost poop for Halloween ( marshmallows in a baggie and the kids love'em) then so be it!
I swear it just started thunder and lightning, all we need next is someone to be found with two bite marks on their neck in a dark alley in Jefferson. Now where’s my Bram Stoker "Dracula" when I need it!
Tiara wearing, book bearing and quirky sharing, Kathy L. Patrick Beauty and the Book 210 West Austin Jefferson, Texas 75657 www.beautyandthebook.com www.pulpwoodqueens@yahoogroups.com
For more information on: 44 Blue Productions go to www.44blue.com Fine Living Cable Network go to www.fineliving.com Andy Behrman go to www.electroboy.com Bigfoot go to www.texasbigfoot.com Jefferson Mardi Gras go to www.mardigrasupriver.com Illuminati Tour go to www.angelanddemonstours.com Ghosts of Jefferson go to www.ghostinmysuitcase.com Read “Dracula” by Bram Stoker at pwww.pagebypagebooks.com/Bram_Stoker/Dracula
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The Beverly Hillbillies Chapter of the Pulpwood Queens
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Our Mardi Gras Float
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Proud in Pink
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Marshall Pulpwood Queens and their crowns
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What more could a Queen want?
Every day is a present. Today, I am in the midst of second day of filming with the Fine Living Cable Network from California for a feature on me for a NEW program called “Windshield America.” That feature will air on the show January 2007 and I was thrilled to learn that I am the first woman to be featured on the show. What a present!
I bounded out of bed yesterday, as filming was to begin that morning, just as if it was Christmas morning. Nothing gets my adrenaline going faster than knowing we are going to be on national television to help further our mission on promoting literacy.
The afternoon before our author of the month had arrived, Kathleen Hughes of “Dear Mrs. Lindbergh.” She had attended our second Pulpwood Queens of Marshall, Texas meeting with me at a local coffee shop, Joe Buck’s.
All the women who joined got to hear first-hand how Kathleen’s book came into fruition and get their books autographed. We had a great meeting hosted by Head Queen, Phyllis Bailey.
Now we were going to be filming me doing Pulpwood Queen Book Club members’ hair, our “Splinter” Pulpwood Queen Book Club Chapter members as if they were going to their up-and-coming prom, and our visiting author.
You have never seen such BIG HAIR as we did that day! We deemed author, Kathleen Hughes “the highest hair and the closest to God!” She said she hadn’t had that big of hair since high school. Interviews were conducted and filmed then on to filming out book club meeting that night.
We were well represented that evening with Pulpwood Queens coming from Texarkana, Hooks, New Boston, Marshall, Linden, Henderson, Texas and even had a book club member come from Shreveport, Louisiana.
Dressed in all our Pulpwood Queen finery we filled our plates with all the “signature” dishes the Queens brought to the meeting. As we settled in out on the front porch, the film crew captured our meeting. Kathleen Hughes gave us her book talk and I silently giggled as the camera man climbed into the bushes and swung up on the porch railing to film the Roarin’ Red River Chapter!
He reminded me of Tarzan as obviously he would “swing through a jungle” so to speak to get the good camera angle.
Everyone seem so animated, they were really having a great time. Then I remembered, aha, the crew insisted I spike the punch! When one book club member tripped over one our mysterious lawn gnomes in our yard and went to hug me at the end of the meeting, I blurted out as I laughed into the camera, “Well, looks like I put a little too much punch in the punch!”
After the last of the paper plates and cups were tossed into the wastepaper basket and everyone was gone including the camera crew, I thought about my life. I have been truly blessed. Good friends, great books, amazing authors, film crews from California, what more could a Queen want?
Today we are getting ready to film again. The crew is temporarily filming around town as they can’t believe how cool this town really is. I love living in “Mayberry on the Bayou.” When they get back I’m doing the host’s hair, Heather Templeton, as many styles as I can do on her hair in thirty minutes which should be a hoot with my “Put on Hair” pieces from Raquel Welch.
Then they will be interviewing my daughter, Madeleine who is twelve and writing her first book, “Memoir of The Pulpwood Queens’ Youngest Daughter.” After that they want to talk to Madeleine and her best friend, Kaitlyn Whatley on why books are so important to them.
So here they come, I will be back on film in few minutes. Well I always did say I would do just about anything to promote literacy. So running as usual, until I get back with you next week. Pick up Kathleen Hughes’ book, “Dear Mrs. Lindbergh.” I can assure you that you will be in for a good read.
Tiara wearing, book sharing, and even cable show sharing, Kathy L. Patrick www.beautyandthebook.com
For more on Kathleen Hughes go to www.kathleenhughes.com For more on the Fine Living Cable Network go to www.fineliving.com or www.dansextonmedia.com
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It’s the Real Thing!
Everyday I hear from authors in emails, lots of them. Being such an avid reader, hearing from authors whose pages I have cherished and admired is such a thrill for me. I recently heard from the author, River Jordan. Now is that a name just perfect for an author or what?
River has written a book called “The Messenger from Magnolia Street.” I had first heard about her book from my friend Bob Summers, who is the southern correspondent for Publishers Weekly. Bob had told me that I had to check out her book and I did. Her book was chosen as a Southern Living Magazine Select Pick for March and she is getting quite the accolades for this book.
Emails were going back and forth on trying to figure out how and when we could get River to my little ole neck of the woods. She first got my attention in her emails when she told me at five years old her first love was Elvis Presley. She too just like me used to dance to his records.
She told me she had been reading my Pulpwood Queen Blogs and had been thinking that it would be really cool to do again today like they did with the song “I’d like to teach the world to sing…,” only use really famous people. Hey, maybe we could do that with really famous authors, I was thinking only change the word “real” to “read.”
I told her that the Coke songs had a special significance to me. When I was in junior high the Coke commercial “It’s the real thing” was playing on the television when my next door neighbor minister’s daughter came running over to our house out of breath as a child and told us, “John May has been killed in a car accident.”
I remember it was as if the world had stopped.
John lived three doors down on our block with his parents, The Mays and his brother, Tony who was my age. Mr. May was superintendent of the school and never had there ever been a more classic example of an all American family. The boys excelled at everything, sports, music, academics. Both the Mays sons were popular with the boys and the girls.
Everybody loved those boys and we all really looked up to John, being the eldest. I cannot even imagine the devastation that took its toll on that family and to my classmate Tony. I do know that John being killed shook up every family in my hometown of Eureka, Kansas. This was a boy that could have been their son, their brother, he was our hometown boy done good. John May was the American dream come true.
John was a senior at Eureka High School and Homecoming King that past fall. He and his friends sang at church, they had a band that made them really groovy. He dated a girl, Tammy McClintock, who was the epitome of what I wanted to be; popular, had a Marlo Thomas flip, a perfect figure, and was Head cheerleader. I used to live next door to Tammy McClintock whose mother was a hairdresser.
She always had the best hair. We idolized John and my family sat in shock and silence as we listened to “in the back of your mind, what you’re hoping to find.” “It’s the real thing,” playing on our old Curtis Mathis television.
I was telling River about that Coke song and John. She told me I ought to write about it. I told her I thought I would.
So this is for you John.
To John May,
You will never be forgotten. You were our hero, our knight in shining armor. I thought all boys should be like you. I can remember you and Neil Leigh playing basketball with my daddy out in the backyard. I was just a gangly, lovesick teenager and watching you jump into the air and sink those baskets was about the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. When Diana Schwartz had her 9th grade birthday party at the old Midwest Insitute basement, your band played. I believe her brother was in the band. I can still picture you singing. I thought you were Eureka’s answer to John Lennon only much better looking - and he was pretty hot.
I will never forget that all you boys wore those Nehru shirts probably made by your moms in that red, white, and blue material with all the stars and your blue jeans. I remember you wore loafers with no socks. I though you guys were about the coolest things I had ever seen. My sisters loved Donny Osmond at the time but I loved your band. I cannot remember what your band was called but I can remember dancing to your songs that you played that night. We were having the time of our lives.
When I would see you drive down the highway with Tammy sitting by your side, was it a Mustang? Or driving around with your friends, I thought that is how I want to be when I grow up. You were our shining star, our star athlete. Then you were gone, killed tragically right before your high school graduation. Weren’t you validectorian?
I know this sounds weird but I cannot hear a Coke commercial or drink a Coke without thinking of you. You were just like the Coke ads use to say, you were the real thing. John you were “it” to me. I was just the neighbor kid who admired you in the shadows. I have just popped the cap on a “real” Coke in a real glass bottle and I tip my bottle to you. God Bless you John. Though you were here for such a short time, you will always be remembered.
Your friend and neighbor, Kathy Murphy Patrick
