'The Pacifier'
Palm Beach Post
The Pacifier is a cute but highly silly movie that seems to have a much better flick buried somewhere inside of it. And it might have worked, too, if it hadn't been for that meddling duck!
See, Vin Diesel's Navy SEALl-turned-kiddie-bodyguard film brings out the frustrated Scooby Doo villain in me. It's an unavoidably lightweight movie, but not without its charms or laughs. In fact, there are times that The Pacifier comes close to being clever.
Walt Disney Pictures
 The verdict: Vin Diesel battles baby bottles in this bit of pablum that's good for some grown-up giggles. Director: Adam Shankman On the web |
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But not before director Adam Shankman irredeemably cheeses up the proceedings with tired, comically desperate cliches like buffoony teachers, rampant poop jokes and (sigh) a pet duck. Named Gary. Who thinks he's a guard dog.
Sigh.
While Shankman and writers Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant make loads of other dopey mistakes to delight a younger audience and annoy the people who had to drive that younger audience to the multiplex, the duck is the most egregious.
Cute animals are practically the official symbol of "Please kids! Come see our stupid movie!"
If the movie is all about the critters, and they actually have a personality, like the schmaltzy but engrossing Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, I love them. Especially if they're snooty cats named Sassy that sound like Sally Field. Sassy was awesome.
Gary the Guard Duck, however, is pointless. And I don't mean that personally, because I don't know Gary. I'm sure he's a vital member of the Hollywood waterfowl community.
But as a character, a plot device, or anything remotely integral to the story, Gary is a dud. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't have any (Lord help me) special duck skills. He is simply here because Shankman, who proved his hacktastic tendencies in the lame-o Bringing Down The House, thought: "We want to make a kid's movie. Kids love ducks. We should get a duck."
While I don't have any general feelings about ducks, one way or the other, I do have a soft spot for Vin Diesel. That's because I find him alternately intense and talented (Saving Private Ryan, Boiler Room), winkingly self-aware and cheesy-charming (XXX, The Fast And The Furious) and maddeningly self-destructive (his off-camera insistence on bigger paychecks that get him bounced off sequels to would-be franchises. Duh.)
Diesel acquits himself well in The Pacifier, though. He's Shane Wolfe, a normally by-the-book SEAL who makes a dumb mistake while rescuing government scientist Howard Plummer (former O.C. costar Tate Donovan) from some sort of nefarious evil-doers trying to find Plummer's latest top secret project.
You know, the kind of top secret project that could spell doom if it falls into the wrong hands. Dr. Plummer gets killed quicker than you can say "Dude, you shouldn't have left The O.C.," and Shane is assigned to protect Plummer's five children while his widow (Faith Ford) is off in Europe retrieving the contents of a top secret account.
Like the duck, this doesn't really have any payoff, other than to get mom out of the house.
And while she's gone, I'm sure you won't be surprised that her five kids, including attitudey teen daughter Zoe (Brittany Snow of TV's American Dreams), moody teen son Seth (Max Thierot) and spunky tween Lulu (Morgan York) initially despise their new minder's military precision, and his fish-out-of-water reaction to carpools, scout meetings and diaper changes. Before they have a change of heart.
Yes, you know where this is going. But it works for a time because of the way buff and tough Diesel commits to making Shane by-the-book.
Like Michael Caine's pageant director in Miss Congeniality, Diesel comes away with his dignity and a surprising amount of real emotion because he never stops acting. And although his chemistry with love interest Lauren Graham (TV's Gilmore Girls) is so-so, he makes a real connection with little Morgan York, whose goofy, melodramatic Lulu is a trip, and a treat.
Morgan, however, gets a lot less time in the commercials than Gary the Duck. If only Shankman had more faith in his human friends than his fowl, the movie would be a lot more memorable.
The Flick Chick's Bottom Line: Could have used more pluck. Less duck.
