I went by the Marshall Public Library Tuesday to take a look at H.R. 3962, the national health care reform bill or, as some are prone to call it: The Awful Beast From the Darkest Pits of Hell.

The library had it thanks to our own representative in Congress, Republican Louie Gohmert, who urged all to read it carefully.

We've all heard a lot about this bill, most particularly how long it is and how none of our elected representatives have read it.

I don't know what the big deal is — I read it cover to cover in less than 30 minutes at the library. Oh, wait, that would be that I read the covers in less than 30 minutes.

But, honestly, if there are really elected representatives out there who have not read this important bill they out to be impeached for ignorance.

The bill itself is 1,990 pages. I realize that this sounds long, and it is, but it isn't small type and it is double-spaced.

I timed myself reading a couple of pages for understanding and it took me a little over a minute per page to read.

But let's suppose that you happen to be a slow reader and it would take you, say, two minutes per page, on average. That would represent 30 pages per hour.

Even a super-slow reader could get through the thing in 100 hours of reading.

Is anybody really saying that our elected representatives could not have squeezed in 100 hours of reading in all these months?

OK, maybe they should be impeached for laziness if they have not done it.

Mostly people do what they want to do. If anyone has not read it, they have not tried.

I grant you that it might have taken longer than that to study and research the bill, but that is why we pay for staff members.

Actually, I think the whole bill could actually be read by an intelligent person — and I think most all of our representatives are — in probably less than 30 hours of reading time. Over a two-week period it could easily be accomplished — if you really want to do it.

I read a smattering of pages leafing through the bill and the verbage is not all that difficult either. Here is one example I pulled totally at random from the middle:

(1) To the extent that the Secretary finds a payment and delivery system reform successful in improving quality and reducing costs, the Secretary shall implement such reform on as large a geographic scale as practical and economical.

(2) The Secretary may delay the implementation of such a reform in geographic areas in which such implementation would place the public health insurance option at a competitive disadvantage.

(3) The Secretary may prioritize implementation of such a reform in high cost geographic areas or otherwise in order to reduce total program costs or to promote high value care.

You don't know exactly what this section is about because I took it totally out of context, but the words aren't particularly difficult. It doesn't take an expert to get through it. None of it was much more difficult than this.

Earlier this year I took a few classes towards my master's degree.

One of the courses covered the work of John Milton, who wrote what is perhaps the best poem ever written, (and certainly one of the longest at several hundred pages) "Paradise Lost," about the fall of Adam and Eve.

Here is a sample of the first stanza from Book 2 of that poem:

High on a Throne of Royal State, which far

Outshon the wealth of ORMUS and of IND,

Or where the gorgeous East with richest hand

Showrs on her Kings BARBARIC Pearl & Gold,

Satan exalted sat, by merit rais'd

To that bad eminence; and from despair

Thus high uplifted beyond hope, aspires

Beyond thus high, insatiate to pursue

Vain Warr with Heav'n, and by success untaught

His proud imaginations thus displaid.

I love "Paradise Lost," really, but it is a good deal more difficult to read than H.R. 3962 and it is not nearly the most difficult Milton work to read.

The "Doctrine and Discipline of Divorce" almost made my eyes fall out and compelled me to howl in misery. Yes, it is that bad, and I had to know it well enough to survive a test.

Besides, the last 350 pages of this bill are just amendments to existing Indian laws.

Everyone knows that the United States has broken every promise ever made to native Americans, anyway, so why bother with it?

Were I a native American, I think I would feel safer if the bill just said: We aren't going to care about Indians. At least then you wouldn't expect anything to change. I'm guessing Native Americans aren't expecting much anyway.

It's OK if our representatives want to cite chapter and verse why they don't agree with the health care reform package, but don't tell me you haven't read it or don't understand it. Then I'll know you're just fibbing or you just don't care.

Actually, the bill itself does certifiably help one medical condition that might save money for thousands, if not millions, of Americans.

Have trouble sleeping?

Don't take a pill, keep one of these puppies by your bedside and go to the Indian section. You'll be out like a light.