You probably are not aware of it, but October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Much of the attention of this month is given to another very worthy cause, Breast Cancer Awareness.

We cannot say that one cause is greater than another, but we do know that domestic violence pervades our area — and our country — as a plague that is largely hidden.

And, whereas victims of breast cancer usually find a great deal of support within from society and feel no embarrassment about stepping forward for treatment, victims of domestic violence are not so lucky.

Indeed, in many cases, both the perpetrator and the victim do their best to keep the secret, enabling the abuse to continue on in a never-ending circle.

Domestic violence happens mostly to women, but not exclusively and it is by no means always of the physical sort.

Indeed, many times it is both mental and emotional abuse that leaves the most lasting scars.

Sometimes the person being abused might not even be fully aware what is happening. Depending on what sort of family situation she had as a child, she might not know what is happening isn't normal.

We offer the following information, which comes from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Minnesota to help you recognize abuse in your own situation and in others. Sometimes it takes a good friend to tell you when you need to be aware. Abuse includes:

• Using intimidation: Making you afraid with looks, actions gestures, smashing things, displaying weapons, abusing pets.

• Using emotional abuse: Putting you down, making you feel bad about yourself, calling her names, making you feel guilty.

• Using isolation: Controlling what you do, who you see and who you talk to. Using jealousy to justify his actions.

• Minimizing, Denying, Blaming: Making light of the abuse, saying the abuse did not happen, saying you caused the abuse.

• Using children: Making you feel guilty about the children, using visitation to harass you, threatening to take the children away.

• Using male privilege: Treating you like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle."

• Using economic abuse: Preventing her from getting or keeping a job, making her ask for money, giving her an allowance.

• Using coercion and threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt her, threatening to commit suicide if she leaves, making her do illegal things.

Other red flags include a partner who is always angry at someone or something, accuses you of flirting or "coming on" to others, abuses alcohol and other drugs, tells you to shut up or that you are dumb, stupid or fat, either directly or indirectly.

This is not a comprehensive list, but it is a beginning.

Happily, if you believe you are being abused, there is help awaiting you and there are two United Way-funded agencies in our area.

The first is The Women's Center of East Texas, with a Hot line/Crisis number of (800)441-5555.

The second is the Crisis Center of Kilgore, which also serves Marshall, with a hot line number of 800-333-9148. Either or both can help you.

Domestic violence does not generally go away over time.

It is more likely to become increasingly frequent or severe.

Waiting is not a good option.

Get help now.

Call one of the numbers if you are being abused, call the police. It is the first step to living a better life.